161. Last Class

Class Teaching (Paper II - Priority Analysis, Time Management Course)

Teacher: “Today is your last class of this course. In this class we are going to talk about True Priorities. This is a matter of self introspection.

“You see, people are of two types. For some success means being popular and for the others success means being superior.

“None of these two is better than the other. The first group puts too much importance on what people think of them and the second group often forgets that they are not the center of the universe.

“However, I am not going to discuss advantages and disadvantages of the two types. You are the way you are and I have nothing to do with that. I myself belong to the first group and generally spend a lot of time pleasing people.

“And that is how it is going to be with you if you belong to the first group. You will try to please people. My suggestion is that you come to terms with this nature and set your priorities accordingly. Your priorities should be those acts that avoid confrontations. Since your priority is to be accepted by people, do not hesitate to be the one to compromise.

“And if you belong to the second group, do what you want to do. Do not try to compromise a lot or have aspirations to be a people’s person. You can try to be loved by the public but chances are you are going to fail. So do not waste time and effort in doing so. Focus instead on those acts that please yourself.

“You cannot be loved by all when you have a strong ego. And you cannot live life at your own terms if you try to satisfy others. Find out what you are and get your priorities right.”

160. Freedom and Drama

A husband and a wife are talking at home. The husband is attending the Family Management course.

Husband: Here, see these. A declaration and a consent form.

Wife: What are these for?

Husband: Both are from my class at NILS. The declaration is from a girl who has just broken off her wedding. She had some serious commitment phobia to begin with and had been postponing her wedding to her boyfriend for four years now. But now she has called it off.

Wife: Yes, you told me about her. She came under the influence of another classmate – a married woman – who told her that marriage is a horrible thing.

Husband: Not only influenced, but semi brainwashed. And now she had been saying that the course had convinced her that married life is bullshit. The teacher wanted to wash his hands off and asked the girl to give it in writing that this is her personal decision entirely.

Wife: This declaration is her writing?

Husband: Yes. Read it. She says that she has taken the decision herself and was not influenced by anybody.

Wife: What are you doing with this?

Husband: She gave a copy to everyone in class.

Wife: What? Is she crazy?

Husband: No. She is free. At least that is what she believes.

Wife: I see. And what is this consent form about?

Husband: There is a script writer in our class. She writes for TV series. She is so fascinated by our course that she wants to write a series based on a family management course and its participants. And she wants to incorporate bits of all our backgrounds in the story. With changed names of course. The consent form is for that.

Wife: She wants to write a story on the course?

Husband: Not just a story. She says if she brings in all that she has seen and learnt in five months in class and adds to them the various stories of the family backgrounds of participants, then she has a story to last a couple of seasons at least, if not the whole series.

Wife (surprised): Really? What did she find so fascinating about the course?

Husband (shrugging): Beats me!

159. Paper V Project Titles

Some of the Paper V projects submitted by the students:

Fifth Papers:

Social Media Usage: Life on Social Media

Party Politics: Political Statement Making

Family Management: Application of Family

Office Dynamics: Blame and Blame Transfer

Time Management: Macro Management

Project Titles:

The Insta Gratification (Life on Social Media; Social Media Usage)

High and Low Energy Social Networking (Life on Social Media; Social Media Usage)

Twitter in Politics (Political Statement Making; Party Politics)

Syntax and Orthography of Pre-election Promises (Political Statement Making; Party Politics)

Parents in need are Parents indeed (Application of Family; Family Management)

The Third Cousin Abroad (Application of Family; Family Management)

A Reasonable Transfer of Blame (Blame and Blame Transfer; Office Dynamics)

How to still have friends in office (Blame and Blame Transfer; Office Dynamics)

Savings Schemes for Post-retirement World Tours (Macro Management; Time Management)

Season Variations in Sleeping Pattern (Macro Management; Time Management)

158. Examination Notice

NOTICE

The last class for all courses will be on Friday, 30.11.2018.

The examinations for all certified and crash courses will take place from 11.12.2018 to 24.12.2018. Registration forms for examinations are available at the office.

Course-wise examination schedules from respected departments will be circulated in class.

Viva voce on dissertation topics will be held from 26.12.2018 to 29.12.2018.

157. Head Held High

Two colleagues are talking in office. One of them is attending the Office Dynamics course. He had presented the other one’s problems – with due permission – as a case study and is now explaining the suggestions and solutions offered by the other classmates.

A: Come again!

B: Nobody thinks you stand a chance against this team leader.

A: Nobody?

B: Almost. Except two people who did not seem interested in the matter.

A: So what am I supposed to do?

B (consulting notes): Most of my classmates suggested that you should keep a low profile for six to eight months. By then the team leader will either forget about you or will not think of you as a problem.

A: And what happens to my promotions and appraisals if I sit quiet for six months?

B: My classmates are of the opinion that it is more important to save yourself from this vindictive and aggressive team leader than to get a promotion. And everybody has also said that you should forget about that girl. Nobody thinks it is a good idea to nurture a crush on your team leader’s girlfriend, especially when he is the way he is.

A: Nobody wants me to at least talk to her once?

B: Nobody. Including even those uninterested two students.

A: So, people are basically asking me to hide under the table.

B: Some also suggested that you change the job.

A: Isn’t that running away?

B: It might sound like that, yes. So your options are hiding or running away. But the second one is slightly better because in that case you can walk away with your head held high.

A: I want to talk to her once.

B: Don’t.

A (after a very long time): What is your suggestion? Your personal suggestion?

B (in a low voice): Change the job. You can do nothing here with that guy around.

A: You want me to resign?

B: No. Never. But that is probably going to be the best thing for you. You can save your pride.

A: I need to think about this.

B: Yes, please do. But do not talk to a lot of people about it. Then they will start saying how you are running away. Tell them on the last day that you have got a better offer.

A: Hmm.

156. Reluctant Goals

Three students are discussing a class assignment (Time Management, Paper III – Goal Setting)

Girl: I am writing dieting as my Reluctant Goal.

Boy 1: Me too.

Boy 2: Are you reluctant to diet?

Boy 1: I never get around to doing it, no matter how many times I plan.

Boy 2: That means it is a difficult goal, but is it a Reluctant Goal?

Girl: Reluctant Goal means you do not really want to do it.

Boy 2: Even though you are adding it to your to-do list.

Girl: Yes, even though. And then you do not really feel bad that you have not done it.

Boy 1: Well, maybe I really do not want to diet. I only think I should.

Boy 2: Then it is a Reluctant Goal for you, but that is not what she meant.

Girl: I really want to cut down on carbs, only it never happens.

Boy 2: Morning walks for me is a Reluctant Goal. I often talk about doing it but deep down I know I am not much fascinated by the idea. So I never do it and I do not feel bad about it.

Boy 1: Then it is a Reluctant Goal for you by definition. And the same thing happens with my dieting, so I am going to write dieting for me.

Girl: But I feel bad about not controlling what I eat. You know what, I would actually go low-carb if such food was readily available. It is just so much easier to make rice or rotis with a sabzi after a long day at work.

Boy 1: If you were staying at home you would probably follow a diet.

Girl: Yes, definitely. This is not my Reluctant Goal. This is just a difficult thing to do. I think for me learning to drive will be a Reluctant Goal. My sister knows how to drive and she pesters me, so I say yes I will. But I really do not like the idea of me driving and never actually try to learn. And I do not feel bad about it.

Boy 2: Don’t want and don’t feel bad. So, that is your Reluctant Goal by definition. Write it down.

Boy 1: I often think about catching up with old friends. Somehow I never get the time. Do you think that is a Reluctant Goal for me?

155. Return of the Teens

A man and a woman from the Family Management course are in an open air café overlooking a lake. Both are married, but not to each other.

Man: You know what? You look even better outside that damned NILS building.

Woman: You mean I look terrible there?

Man: You missed the ‘even’ in what I said.

Woman: Well, it was not spoken very loudly.

Man: What can that possibly mean?

Woman: That I actually look shabby and boring in class.

Man: Honey, I spent the whole session looking at you. I looked at you so much that I am not even sure if we have a blackboard or a whiteboard in class. Trust me, you look terribly attractive in class.

Woman: ‘Honey’? Where did that come from?

Man: Way of speaking.

Woman: Looks like someone is trying to get cosy.

Man: I did not know that was a possibility. Honey.

Woman (showing the ring finger): I am married.

Man: So is my wife.

Woman (exasperatedly): Now shut up and eat some food. You have not touched anything.

Man: I did not come here to touch the food.

Woman (rolling eyes): God that’s like cheeeesy! How old are you? Sixteen?

Man: No, but you are taking me back there.

Woman: And you me.

Man (looking closely at her): And that makes you worried.

Woman: It makes me extremely worried.

154. Syllabus for Space and Time

Part of the syllabus of Paper II (Space and Time), Work-Life Balancing Course

1. Designated and non-designated places for work and life. Spaces for work: office, bedroom, dining table, hotel room in vacation etc. Spaces for life: office canteen, sitting room at home, toilets, beach, taxi or metro etc. Why people work from plane but not from train.

2. Conversion of space. How to use work space for life and vice versa. Proper utilization of toilets and toilet breaks. Applications of a dining table. Pursuing hobbies at office. Hiding places in office desks. Setting up guards and avoiding detection. How to play games from office computers.

3. Difference between bringing work to home and working from home. Advantages of bringing work to home: pleased boss, overtime charges from office, avoidance of home responsibility, escape from reacting with irritating and/or demanding spouses. How to work more at home and less in office. Effective utilization of free time in office.

(…)

5. Effective and ineffective periods for working. Time to clear pending work. The lure of the night. The horror of early morning. The guilt-ridden weekend afternoon. (…)

153. Syllabus for Core and Extended Family

Part of the syllabus of Paper III (Core and Extended Family), Family Management Course

1. Structural configuration of a family. Hardcore and softcore. Types of extensions and protrusions from core: sticky, thorny, bulbous, fleshy, sweet, utterly useless etc. Core-Extension synergy. Spatial models of Core-Extension relations: concentric circles, overlapping circles, tangential circles, separate circles, parallel lines, void. Core and Extension as observed by a child, a domestic help, an insurance policy salesman, a terminally ill patient, lawyers, police and tele-serial makers.

2. Role of parents. Parents as asset and/or liability. Staying with parents: a cautious togetherness. Mixing between parents and children: milk with water, oil with water, limestone with water, tea leaves with hot milk water, whiskey with coke, lime with milk. Duties of parents: grandchildren, financial backup, family relations, social relations, counselling and finding divorce lawyers. (…)

(…)

5. Status in family. Nature of status: perceived, conceived, received and deceived. Wealth as the foundation of status. Status symbols. Car brand and model as the foundation of status symbol. Status maintenance. Is everyone better off than me? Professions that are automatic status symbols. Professions that are not. Status vs. Class. NRI in US vs. NRI in Europe. (…)

152. The Next Courses

A letter from the principal of the NILS to the NILS Zonal Head (Management)

To

The Zonal Head (Management)

National Institute of Life Skills

Sub: Courses from January and April 2019

Dear Sir,

This is to inform you that we are going to start with the following six-month Certified Courses from January:

- Creating a Startup

- Savings and Investment

- Social Media Usage (repeat)

- Childbirth and Baby-parenting

- Fashion and Body Language

The Crash Courses to be started in April 2019 are:

- Understanding Classical Music

- A-Z of Having a Car

- Bank Loans

The faculty and resource persons to conduct the courses have been approached and confirmed. The selection of the same has been approved by the Academics dept. of NILS. Please find a copy of the NOC from the Zonal Head of NILS (Academics) along with this mail.

We are looking forward to an early approval from your side so we can start with the admission process as soon as possible.

Thanking you,

151. Syllabus for Introduction to Daily Politics

Part of the syllabus of Paper III (Introduction to Daily Politics), Party Politics Course

(…)

2. Appearance: according to rank, hierarchy, season and obesity. Accessories. How to convert black money into accessories. Basic western wear for grassroot functionaries and classical Indian wear for leaders. Suitable clothing for the following appearances: veteran, menacing, energetic, liberal, conservative, left wing, right wing, guerrilla, leader of the poor, descendant of a princely state etc.

3. Body Language: walking, standing, sitting and looking at people. How to get in and get out of a car. How to hide rotten upbringing and deplorable education standards. Study of movement of eyebrows. Standing next to a powerful leader: behind or beside. Expressing grateful delight in presence of a powerful leader, subtle highhandedness towards non-political childhood friends, self assurance and confidence in front of the police and holier-than-thou attitude in front of opposition. How to walk like one who wields immense power.

(…)

6. Aggression: threats, warnings, final warnings. Failure of subjects to comprehend warning. How to make false threats look real. How to make real threats in subtle ways. How to scare people by clenching feasts, messaging the neck and having bloodshot eyes. Study of human anatomy. Study of gorillas.

150. Retirement Benefits

Two girls from the Time Management course are talking over phone.

A. My dad has now given me an assignment. I am supposed to plan his daily routine.

B: Isn’t he retired?

A: Yes! He has all the free time of his life and he wants me to make a schedule! This is his way of mocking me. I know my dad.

B: Why do you think he is mocking you? Maybe he is testing you.

A: What type of testing is this? My dad is at home all the time. He can go for walking whenever he wants. He can read as much he wants and play as many chess games as he wants. Oh, and on top of it he wants his daytime naps as well.

B: I doubt it is that simple. He is probably trying to see how good you understand a client’s demands. I mean, in this situation he is your nothing but your client.

A: I understand his demands. And I can make his plan in exactly five seconds. Want to hear it? Walk in the morning, read newspaper, breakfast, gardening, lunch, nap, chess with friends, read books, dinner, sleep. He is mocking me by asking my learned advice on this, I am telling you.

B: Have you considered the fact that he has no compulsion to follow a standard routine? He has the liberty to do whatever, whenever. And you are asking him to follow a copybook routine every single day. You are restricting him.

A: Oh sure, he can work in the garden at midnight if he is that desperate to enjoy his retirement.

B: Well, why not? He does not need to get up in the morning.

A: Please, can we be serious here?

B: I will tell you what I seriously think. I think he has given you a 

chance to make his life more interesting. Take it as a challenge. Make him happy.

A: If I want my dad to be happy, then I will only need to give him some opportunity to criticize me. Maybe I will include an hour in the plan for that. Mocking me and my ambitions.

B: If that is your client wants, then that is what you should give…

A: Are you kidding me?

B: Not really.

149. Green, Yellow, Red and Doctors

Class teaching (Paper III - The Balancing Act; Work-Life Balancing)

Teacher: “We all know some jobs are more demanding than others. Some have more responsibility and some are associated with more stress.

“Similarly some jobs make work-life balancing more difficult than others. Accordingly one should take steps to maintain that balance.

“But first, one has to know where one stands. There are three different zones based on the type of job you have.

“If you are in the Green Zone, all is fine. You do not have to be concerned about maintaining a work-life balance. You have plenty of time for it and you can actually indulge yourself in slight and deliberate imbalances. Example jobs are: teaching, government jobs, family business, marine engineering / merchant navy, day-shift in BPO etc.

“If you are in the Yellow Zone, you need to be careful. You have probably still not lost the balance but there is always a risk of slipping. The risk mostly comes from ambitions, but other factors like pressure of family responsibility, glamour of the outside world, easy money, partners outside marriage etc. may also play a role. Example jobs: sales and marketing, politics, pilots, BPO – night shift, media jobs etc.

“But if you are in the Red Zone, you need to be concerned. I am not saying that you have to leave the job or stop working, but I am saying that in this zone one needs to be consciously aware of maitaining even a semblance of balance. Accept that you are deeply tilted towards work and nearly a stranger to family. If you want your children to still be able to recognize you and your partner to remain with you, then force yourself to find quality family time at least thrice every week. Example jobs: teaching with private tuition, government job involving long distance commutes, IT, management, a career in international sports, news editors.

“And then there are doctors. If you are a doctor and you want your family to comprehend and be compassionate about your schedules then try to find another doctor as your partner.”

148. Advantages and Disadvantages of Goal Setting

On the whiteboard in a classroom (Time Management, Paper III – Goal Setting)

Advantages and disadvantages of goal setting

Advantage	Disadvantage
Things mostly get done	1. Possibility of lifelong frustrations 2. An eternal feeling of pending tasks 3. Too much time wasted in setting realistic goals. 4. Difficult to continue for more than two weeks. 5. Long term successful goal setting may cause alienation from more humanly acquaintances. 6. Disobeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

147. The Other Three Days

A man and a woman from the Family Management course are talking before the class. Both are married, but not to each other.

Man: I suggest that you do your dissertation on a topic like family outing.

Woman: What is there to research on family outing?

Man: Umm…where families go on evenings, what they do there etc.

Woman: Why are you suggesting such a weird topic?

Man: Because you will need to visit some family places in the evenings to do on-field research.

Woman: And?

Man: And your husband will have no suspicions if you are away from home even on days when there is no class.

Woman: Four days of class are not enough for you?

Man: No. I want you four days in class and three days outside. (Dramatic pause). Is that a problem?

Woman: Maybe not. But then I also have a suggestion for your dissertation topic.

Man: What is that?

Woman: You should do a research on where lonely wives go for shopping and do the field work with me.

Man: Accompanying you to shopping? Isn’t that a little boring? How about leaving that particular job to your husband?

Woman: Hmm. How about leaving me also to my husband, then?

Man: I got your point.

146. Syllabus for Task-Time Relations

Part of the syllabus of Paper I (Task-Time Relations), Time Management Course

1. What is meant by a Task. Stages of a task: conceiving, planning, delegating, observing, commenting. Pre-tasks: things to do before beginning. Nuclear model of doing a task: nucleus as the actual work done, surrounding atom as the force needed to start the work. Types of tasks: postponeable, non-postponeable, delegatable, non-delegatable, avoidable, unavoidable, legally obligatory, girlfriend’s/crush’s requests.

2. Time. Concept of time as a merciless flow. The deficit between supply and demand. Idealistic utilization of time. Clever wastage of time. Why everything needs more time. Stretching and bending of time: expansion during sadness and contraction during happiness. Best time to perform certain tasks. Time as a variable. Difference in time perception related to age, sex, and alcohol. (…)

(…)

5. Estimation of time required for a task. Overestimation of required time, unplanned free time, feeling of emptiness in life. Underestimation of required time, breaking deadlines, excuses and passing of blame. How to calculate the actual time needed: mean, mode and median. Frequency distribution and analyses of most outlying points.

145. Paper IV Project Titles

Some of the Paper IV projects submitted by the students:

Fourth Papers:

Social Media Usage: Fundamentals of Chatting

Party Politics: Ideology, Blindness and Righteousness

Family Management: Family Politics

Office Dynamics: Anger Management and Frustration Handling

Time Management: Micro Management

Project Titles:

Syntax of Persistence (Fundamentals of Chatting; Social Media Usage)

The Unused Smileys of WhatsApp (Fundamentals of Chatting; Social Media Usage)

Because you are not me (Ideology, Blindness and Righteousness; Party Politics)

Spreading Propaganda Like Melted Butter (Ideology, Blindness and Righteousness; Party Politics)

Scoring Brownie Points (Family Politics; Family Management)

Constitution of my Family with Preamble (Family Politics; Family Management)

Thundering Typhoons (Anger Management and Frustration Handling; Office Dynamics)

An Anger You Cannot Refuse (Anger Management and Frustration Handling; Office Dynamics)

The Cumulative Effect of Minutes (Micro Management; Time Management)

A study in the increase of multitasking abilities as time approaches deadline - with special focus on last minute panic conditions (Micro Management; Time Management)

144. The Retired Days

A father and a daughter are talking at home. The daughter is attending the Time Management course at NILS.

Father: I need your help.

Daughter: Come again!

Father: I need your help in time management.

Daughter: Seriously, I don’t believe what I hear.

Father: Well, you should believe that. I want you to draw up a plan for my daily activities.

Daughter: I always thought you had no trust on the NILS courses.

Father: You thought right. And I still don’t have any faith in them. But since I am paying for your course anyway, I want something in return.

Daughter: So, this is basically a return on your investment?

Father: If you want to call it that…

Daughter (sighing): What daily activities do you have?

Father: Walking, gardening, reading newspapers, reading books, going to the market, going to the chess club, eating and taking naps.

Daughter: Dad, you are retired. I do not understand why you need any plans! You can do all that on one day without making any schedules. You have all the time.

Father: Yes, I have all the time. But everybody has the same amount of time. Now I want to know, what is the best way for me to utilize that time by doing what I do.

Daughter: Why can’t you just do them one after the other? There is no fixed timing.

Father: Please consider that I am not young and need rest. I have no wish to rush through things. I have had enough of that in my working life. I want to be fit and yet sleep a lot. And it is important that I read books and play chess every day. So, I am giving you the assignment to plan my retired days. And I have already paid for the service.