70. Photo Uploading Guidelines

From a student’s class notes (Social Media Usage, Paper II – Information Sharing and Searching):

Types of photos and where to upload them

Photo of rain / rainy day – Insta

Photo of your cooking (with a good camera) – Insta

Same with bad camera – FB

When you are travelling to nice locations – WhatsApp DP (keep changing)

When you have a good photographer boyfriend – Keep changing WhatsApp DPs

Photo of you with your loved ones – FB

Photo of you alone / lonely / deep in thought – Insta

Photo of you in a party with family – FB

Photo of you in a party with gym dude and aerobics girl – Insta

Photo of you sitting next to the window in the plane – FB

Photo taken of outside from that window – Insta

Memes – FB

Motivational / ‘Keep calm’ quotes – WhatsApp DP

Quotations of famous people in artistic cursive fonts- Insta

69. Useful Contacts

Class teaching (Family Management, Paper I – Joint and Nuclear Family)

“People believe that you need to socialize a lot more when you are in a joint family and you can live in complete isolation in a nuclear family.

“Well, that is completely wrong.

“Please know that you need to be more social to survive as a nuclear family than as a member in a joint family. In a joint family the people are there anyway and you don’t need to do anything additional to be in touch.

“But if you have a nuclear family you need to actively reach out to people to ensure that you are not forgotten. And trust me, quite a few people in nuclear families actually pass into oblivion in their family landscapes simply because they did not care to socialize at all.

“But that oblivion is bad, because there will come certain times when you will need people’s help.

“Here is a list of some of the people you must be in touch with if you have a nuclear family. Write down their names and phone numbers on the dotted lines.”

(A handout)

Social requirements of an NF member

Types of contacts:

Parents – to ensure you have a backup in cases of dire financial crises, irreconcilable family problems and pathological depressions.

………………………………………………………………

Friends – to ensure you have emergency access to loans, childhood nostalgia, weeds and sympathetic advices about family matters.

………………………………………………………………

Cousins – to ensure there are people to visit you when you are in a hospital

………………………………………………………………

Neighbours – to ensure you have people to call the electric company, gas company, police or fire brigade in case of emergencies.

………………………………………………………………

68. Invisible Time

A Father and his daughter are talking at home. The daughter is attending the Time Management course at NILS.

Father (looking at a paper stuck at the corner of a mirror in the daughter's room): What is this?

Daughter: A project slash home assignment.

Father: Slash?

Daughter (with hand gestures): Project / home assignment.

F (looking closely at the paper): Combing hair – 4 minutes, WhatsApp Good Morning messages – 12 minutes, searching for notes – 5-6 minutes, searching for clothes to wear – 11 minutes. What are these?

D: Those are the Invisible Time.

F: And I am sure it is as wonderful a concept as that Fallback Time.

D: Be as sarcastic as you want. But everybody has Invisible Time. You have them too. Only you can’t see it.

F: Isn’t that the purpose of invisibility? Anyway, what is it about?

D (like explaining to a child): It is the time you spend for doing things that you are not aware of.

F: Like?

D: Like combing hair. You know you need time to take bath and get dressed. But combing hair comes in between and people often don’t think about that while planning their actions. And they get delayed by just as many minutes as they spend combing hair.

Or, take for example, the third one. I am always searching for notes and papers. Now I am going to find out exactly how much time I lose while searching for things every time I want to study. The same thing happens to casual WhatsApp chats while studying or working.

We are never aware of how much time we lose by chatting or searching for things, but these minutes pile up and accumulate to form a substantial amount of time that is simply lost.

F: That is the Invisible Time?

D: Yes, that is the Invisible Time. And I am trying to make a list of them.

F: I see. Does this talking with me also count as Invisible Time?

D: No, this goes under Wasted Time.

67. Crash Courses Notice

NOTICE

Welcome to the National Institute of Life Skills!

The Crash Courses in Work-Life Balancing and English for Chatting will commence on 1^st September 2018.

Starter Packs can be collected from the office on production of Admission Letter. Starter Pack contains:

1 Notebook for taking class notes

1 Folder for storage of distributed handouts

1 Notepad with detachable sheets for applied and case study sessions

1 Pocket book for taking notes or observations outside the institute

1 Black pen

1 Blue pen

1 Pencil, sharpener and eraser

NOTE 1: The Starter Pack is not available for students paying course fee in instalments.

NOTE 2: List of Suggested Readings can be obtained from the library on production of Admission Letter. All books on the list are available at the library.

Classrooms

English for Chatting – Second floor, Room 4

Work-Life Balancing – Second floor, Room 8

66. The Seven Political Systems

From One For The Cabinet by Samuel Duval (Suggested Reading, Party Politics, Paper I – Political Systems and Parties)

The political parties can be divided into seven spatial categories based on their ideologies.

The LEFT parties stand behind the have-nots and aim to form a mandatory brotherhood by forcefully demolishing national boundaries, cultural traditions and colourful buildings.

The RIGHT parties stand behind the have-pride-but-no-jobs and aim to form associations of violent volunteers in various different magnitudes.

The CENTRE parties do not care for any of the above or pretty much anything as long as people vote and industrialists donate.

The FRONT parties feel embarrassed by the past, neglect the present and hope for a dreamlike future. Random unplanned oppression is usually explained as The Greater Common Good.

The BEHIND parties feel it is their ultimate calling to reestablish a long gone, half-forgotten and mostly mythical realm or kingdom instead of whatever is present now.

The UP parties believe in the natural superiority of the born-rich and claim that ruling is a job for the elite just as coal mining is a job for the poor.

The DOWN parties are formed by the racially and economically downtrodden people. They believe that one day a hero will come and deliver them from their misery. And once the hero has drained the party funds to make his own fortune, they wait for the next hero to come and deliver them from the same misery.  

65. The Reward

It is 8:40 pm and the classes have just got over. The corridors are mostly empty. One male student from the Party Politics course and a female student from the Social Media Usage course are standing at one end of the first floor corridor.

The guy fishes into his backpack and takes out a transparent folder with white Velcro strips.  He gives it to the girl.

“You are welcome,” he says proudly.

The girl opens the folder and looks at the papers inside.

“Latest updates of all my contacts from Facebook, Twitter and Instagram,” the guy says pointing at the sheaf of papers inside the trasparent folder. “That was the whole assignement, right?”

“Yes,” says the girl and shoves the folder in her bag.

“Is something wrong?” the guy asks.

“Why?” asks the girl.

The guy looks a little confused.

“I just did your assignment for you,” he says. “The whole thing. And you don’t even say thanks?”

“Thanks,” she says and starts walking.

“Hey, wait!” he calls after her. “It took me hours to do that. And still I did that for you. Don’t I get anything in return?”

She stops in front of the stairs, looks at him.

“Why don’t you ask that girl in orange t-shirt in your class for returns? You two were having a lot of fun during the break, it seemed.”

With that she storms down the stairs.

A big grin appears on his face. He has got his reward.

64. Notice on the Board

On the notice board.

NOTICE

This is to remind the course participants that the last class of Paper 1 for all courses will be on Saturday, 15^th September. All assignments or project works should be submitted on or before that date.

The last date to meet the Paper 1 faculty members for one-on-one discussions is Wednesday, 26^th September.

From 20^th September classes for Paper 5 will commence for all courses.

63. Five Different Courses

Venue: National Institute of Life Skills. Time: 7 pm.

Social Media Usage:

The teacher is explaining a home assignment: “Ask your friends and family members about what type of personal information they have shared lately on social media. Then find out where they shared it - Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, WhatsApp or some other platform? Bring your survey to class next Friday for a discussion.”

Party Politics:

The students are learning how to create tentative budgets for election campaigns.

Family Management

On the board:

Today’s Question: What type of compromises are expected from a newlywed husband or wife?

Office Dynamics

Participants are playing a game to practice spreading rumour more effectively. The rules are written on the board.

(On the board)

1. Ask another person about three important events of her/his life. 

2. Make up a fourth fictitious event.

3. Tell others all four and ask them to guess which is false.

4. For every correct guess you get -1.

Time Management

The students are seeing a video about the symptoms, treatment and preventive measures for Lastminutepanicosis.

62. The Suitable DP

Class teaching (Social Media Usage, Paper I – Principles of Profiles)

Teacher: “Your Display Picture in a social media account is not just for identification. It often has a much deeper meaning.”

(On the board)

Features of a DP

A) You consider yourself to be an intelligent, thinking person who has seen life and has known suffering, then look away from the camera in your Facebook DP.

B) You think you mean business and others do not and you will do what you want and the society cannot stop you, then look straight at the camera for your DP.

C) You are yet to figure out the purpose of your existence, then use pictures of other objects or living beings.

NOTE: The reasoning behind using photos of celebrities for DPs is still not properly understood.

Teacher: “For Twitter, the situation is slightly different.”

(On the board)

If your content is politically correct and socially acceptable, show your face in Twitter.

If not, then do not.

Remember: Tweets are often sent under influence of rage, alcohol or one true love.

61. Wet Things

Two participants from the Family Management course chatting in WhatsApp.

Male participant: I am late again. My wife is going to kill me.

Female participant: Why are you always so late?

I would kill my husband too, if he came so late everyday.

Lots of work responsibilities.

Junior employees can go home early.

Management level is different.

(cryly)

Did you call your wife?

Nope, she is going to scream.

Stupid!

You were supposed to call your wife, not me! 

(rolled eyes)

That was in my prescription. If late, give wife a call.

That prescription got wet.

???

Heavy rains.

You drive a car.

Car got wet too.

Whatever

Go call your wife

You should have kept my prescription more carefully

Sorry!

Stupid

Give me a new prescription and a chance to apologize tomorrow at 7 pm?

60. Admission Letter 3

ADMISSION LETTER

Dear Sir,

We are pleased to confirm your admission to the Crash Course for Work-Life Balancing at the  2018 September-December Session of the National Institute of Life Skills.

The course will consist of classroom teaching, case study and applied sessions. The Institute also has a library for self-study and an interactive space meant for group studies.

Classes begin on Saturday, 1^st September 2018.  Please produce this letter at our office to collect the Starter Pack. Attached please find the course timeline and weekly schedule. 

We will be happy to see you at the Institute.

Thanking You,

Yours faithfully,

COURSE TIMELINE

1^st September – 30^th November: Regular sessions

1^st – 10^th December: Study leaves

11^th – 24^th December: Examinations

WEEKLY SCHEDULE

The Institute is closed on Mondays.

The library and the interactive space is open from 12:00 to 18:00 hours everyday except on Mondays.

The faculty will be available for one-on-one discussions on Fridays from 15:30 to 18:30 hours. Prior appontments are not mandatory.

Class Routine:

Friday: 18:30 – 20:30 – Paper I, Work and Life

Saturday: 16:00 – 18:00 – Paper II, Space and Time

                  18:00 – 18:30 – Break

                  18:30 – 20:30 – Case Study

Sunday: 15:00 – 17:00 – Paper III, Work-Life Balance

                17:00 – 17:30 – Break

                17:30 – 20:30 – Applied Session

59. Checklist for Joining Politics

From a student’s notes (Party Politics, Paper III – Introduction to Daily Politics):

Checklist for joining politics

ü  Financial support from the family (at least for the first 5 years)
ü  No declared girlfriend – opposition can try to take adv. 
ü  If after 30, then a wife is preferred – settled family has good character value
ü  If devorcee, offer late evening services – ‘nobody to go back to’…it generates sympathy instead of derision
ü  Family connection – if you want to go beyond putting up posters.
ü  24/7 availability
ü  Ability to execute given tasks with utmost passion and vehemence
ü  Capability of hero worshipping – can start practicing with film stars etc
ü  Literacy – to read and understand from newspapers when the time has come to change the party

58. Complaining Husbands and Consulting Wives

Application Session, Family Management Course: Participants are sitting in pairs and discussing what types of problems they are currently facing within the family. One person describes the problem while the other one tries to find a solution. Then they change roles.

The following interesting discussion was heard at one of the tables:

Male Participant: One issue I have is that my wife thinks I do not spend enough time at home.

Female Participant: Is that true?

Male: Not always. I have serious workload in office and sometimes I have to work till late. But I am always home on weekends.

Female: Maybe that is not enough for her. She wants more of you.

Male: Oh yes, right (smiles).

Female: Or maybe she feels insecure.

Male: What for?

Female: From your girlfriends (winks).

M: Girlfriends? I am married (shows his ring).

F: So what? I am sure you could have many girlfriends if you wanted.

M: If only it was that simple (mock sigh).

F: Don”t worry. I will give you a prescription (takes out a notebook). I will give you some tips and you follow them and report back to me in two weeks. (Smiles) Fine?

M: Yes, Doctor. I can also report back in a week (winks). Or even earlier.

F: Very eager patient.

M: Eager to take care of my wife.

F: (rolling eyes) Eager to complain about your wife.

M: Complain? We never do that.

F: Really? Show me one husband who does not like to criticize his wife.

M: Okay. Go home and look at your husband.

F: (widened eyes) You think he does not like to complain about me?

M: (with a serious face) As far as I see, he has not one reason to complain.

57. Help Your Friend

Class Assignment (Case Study Session, Social Media Usage)

Do the following with three different partners in class:

1. Interview your partner about her/his self-image. Note down what she/he wants people to think about her/him.

2. Analyze your partner’s Facebook profile and deduce how many of the above noted self-image characters are actually manifested there.

3. Make a report on your observation. Include your suggestions for modifications. The goal is that your partner’s Facebook profile should give the exact image that she/he has described during the interview.

4. Share your report and your thoughts with your partner.

5. Receive similar suggestions and report from your partner.

56. Faith and Faithfulness

Class Teaching (Party Politics, Paper II – Elections)

“You have to play your religion card very carefully during election campaigns.

“It is equally fine to be religious or to be atheist, but it is not always fine to express those views. What you can actually show should always depend on your party.

“First, we need to understand two parameters: Faith and Faithfulness,

“Faith basically means your religious orientation, your preference for any particular sect or in certain cases your devotion towards a demigod.

“Faithfulness refers to your integrity and devotion to a cause. This cause is mostly divine, but not always. This makes faithfulness a very powerful tool in politics, because it often subtly transcends religion.

“Let me tell you which types of expressions are ideal for different types of political parties.”

On the board

Extreme left: show blind faithfulness, even if the faith keeps changing

Left liberal: you can show religious faith, but not faithfulness

Central: show faithfulness, leave faith ambiguous

Right: show both faith and faithfulness openly

Extreme right: show blind faith, even if your faithfulness falters

55. Happy Boys And Happy Girls

Teacher’s lecture (Time Management, Paper I – Task-Time Relations)

“You all know how productivity is related to the state of your body and mind. Now we need to figure out when during the day our bodies and minds are at their productive best.

“Let us begin with something simple. I will give you an example of a young man and a young woman from the age group 19 to 24. Both are single and are either going to an educational institute or have a day job. I chose this category because I believe many of you, if not most, belong to this group.

“When do you think the young man will be at his productive best during a 24 hour circle?

“I see. Most of you agree that it is post dinner between 11 pm and 1 am. No, you are wrong. A single young man of this age will devote his after dinner private hours in drinking, pornography or bingwatching TV series. This is his stress reliever and he looks forward to these hours throughout the day.

“Thus he becomes very positively charged when the appointed hour of these undisclosed acts approaches and this particular positive energy transforms itself into a bout of productivity. Thus he is at the productive best not during those hours, but at the time leading up to those hours. That is between 9 to 11 pm. Mornings are not useful at all for most of them. Even if some of them manage to wake up early, it is for some specific outdoor purpose and does not contribute to productivity.

“A young woman, on the contrary, is most unproductive in the late evening. She comes home from her work or classes by public transportation and through crowded streets. When she arrives at home she is fairly disgusted with the public and society and has no interest in doing anything fruitful to lengthen her life. It is only after dinner, when she has retreated into her own room and has closed out the world that she feels slightly at peace with life and is willing to devote these few peaceful hours to do something productive. This positive energy might even in certain cases spill over into the morning session.

“So, depending on if you are a boy or a girl, you should work pre-dinner and post-dinner respectively to do something with utmost efficiency.”

54. An NILS Advertisement

National Institute of Like Skills

For all that they do not teach in schools!

Sure you learnt a lot in school.

But,

WAS THAT ENOUGH?

Did you learn how to become a successful and ruthless politician?

Did you learn how to please your boss?

Did you learn how to secretly follow the entire life of your ex?

Did you learn to combine your priorities with your parents’ ambitions?

Did you learn how to climb the family ladder?

If not,

join NILS.

Because we teach you what really matters!

For more information, log on to https://thecertifieds.blogspot.com/

53. Types of Promotion

From Art of Work by P. Sanyal and V. D. Muthu (Suggested Reading, Office Dynamics, Paper I – Work Environment and Colleagues)

Any organization with multiple hierarchical levels offers promotions to its employees. Promotion is a highly sought after affair and often followed by celebrations with friends and family.

But that might not be a good idea in every instance.

Celebrating a promotion must depend on the nature of the promotion. There are five different types of promotions in general. We outline them in the following section.

In case of an automatic promotion, the employee is promoted by the organization not because of any specific reason but because of standard rules of employment. Seniority on its own can merit this type of promotion.

It is best not to celebrate it, though. Firstly, there is hardly anything to celebrate and secondly, if this can be kept secret from the family, the extra money can be very useful for personal aspirations.

In case of an earned promotion, the employee has worked hard and it is by all means an achievement worthy of praises. One needs also to ensure that the colleagues do not suspect foul play behind the promotion.

A hearty celebration with telling of stories of the above mentioned hard work is recommended. Please do not omit the telling of the stories.

In case of a claimed promotion, the employee has snatched the promotion from somebody else and made it her/his own by application of questionable methods.

Keep quiet.

In case of a golden promotion the employee is transferred to on-site duties in the USA.

Sit back and let your family tell everyone and organize the celebrations.

In case of a dumped promotion, the employee is made to take a higher position in the company in order to tackle some very difficult and nasty issues which the previous occupant could not get rid of.

Make a fuss, let everybody know and upload your updated CV.